New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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