So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my sisters under your porch take her home
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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