I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
