If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
