I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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