I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
