I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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