It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
sarcasm needs its own font
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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