Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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