The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
