i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
