The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
