you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
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He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
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If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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