is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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