you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
