Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
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I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
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Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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