i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
