I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
