It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
