Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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