love makes seman taste better
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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