hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
