hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
