In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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