Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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