i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
