I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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