He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
