I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
