You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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