WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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