So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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