i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
