She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize
