dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
