Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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