i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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