How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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