Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
