If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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