Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
