you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
