Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize