yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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