I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm always down for nudity.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
