I cut my penus on the lid.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
