I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
