I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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