I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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