She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
