I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize