We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
