I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
