Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
