Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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