So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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