being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
