you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
whose ass print is on the piano?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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