White coat. Heels.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
