So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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