She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
