so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
