Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize