I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
