planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
In America we eat man semen.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
