So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
