That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
