PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
