I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
