Redeem this text for a blowjob
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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