My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
