He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
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Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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