Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
