if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There's always time for handjobs
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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