i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
