we have pet lesbian snakes
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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